When people ask me,”Do you have enough confidence?”, I always tell them I do and then I laugh a bit to make the question go away a little bit faster. The thing is, I always thought I knew I had enough confidence. I was always convinced I did. But lately I learned that I didn’t know it. What is ‘enough’ confidence? When I buy some knew clothing for example, I always wait for a wednesday for me to wear it. That’s because I’m afraid people won’t like them, they will gossip or something like that, and a wednesday is just a half day. Now that I’ve bought these Stan Smith’s (yes, sorry for bringing them up again), that I love btw, I am afraid to wear them. It is so silly I know, but there is this feeling inside me that’s just saying “Wait, I don’t have to wear them right know, right? And people won’t like them or they will like the shoes but won’t like them on me.” I think it’s also because I know a few of my friends don’t like them, and also because a few others are now also wearing them. Then I started thinking, people may gossip, but they’ll gossip once. Then it is over, one sentence, a few yeah’s, u-uh’s and they’re already talking about something new? Why would I worry, I mean really; People. Don’t. Give. A. Shit.
But then I go to school and I hear another (really I should start counting) comment about my body and I’m off to where I started. Sure, my friends tell me “they’re just jealous” or “you’re so pretty” and it helps, really it does. Because that means they’re real friends, I also have a friend who gossips behind my back and that isn’t nice. When I go to bed I start thinking about all that stuff. Most of the time I come to these conclusions : Why do people even care about someone’s body? What is so special about it? Can’t I just be Elise and not Elise That Skinny Girl?
I know I shouldn’t care so much about other people’s opinions about me or my looks, but as much as I want to, that’s who I am and I can’t change it. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t care about other people’s opinions. Sure I know a few people who care less and people who care more, but no one who actually doesn’t care. And that’s just sad. I guess just one of the many flaws in this world. But there is one thing good about it though, you really learn who your friends are and I did.
“When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very much, do they?” – Virginia Woolf